Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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