Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
