the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
