i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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