So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
