YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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