So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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