Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?