He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green