Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old