Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?