Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.