Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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