you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
