just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Randomize
