Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
