doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
