I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
