This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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