So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
