BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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