And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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