Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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