Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Michael Bay diarrhea
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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