you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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