They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
