the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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