I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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