Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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