i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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