Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
