I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize