I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize