theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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