If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
