It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
