Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
