He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
