Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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