did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
