somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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