...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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