Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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