They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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