11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
