I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
