do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
