how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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