Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
