She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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