I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
