OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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