Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you had me at cake vodka
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
