I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
