tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
