you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
