Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
