I'm passing your future prison.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come on in and take your pants off
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
