The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pee on everything he values.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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