Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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