Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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