farters have to be the big spoon...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
