we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
