Where is the hickey?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
