This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
