my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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