Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
