margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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