I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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