Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
