Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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