Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
