Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think your dad took our porno
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
