I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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