i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
